I’ve had a very terrible month, I was feel like if I were was on a roller coaster. It is started with a great expectations, hopes and joy, but this isn’t lasted for a long time and this month is ended in the worst way.
I still wonder if I have been pretty beside her in this last few days, if I could make her forget the pain,If I am able to overcome this loss,
even just for a little while….
In this last few days I’ve lost an important part of my family, and I feel empty, and angry, and sad.
From today it is a week that I can not draw or paint.
Every day I go to my studio and sit down in front of a blank sheet without being able to do anything.
Still I am not able to cry
Still I haven’t yet managed to cry.
Maybe because I think that this is all a bad joke,
and maybe she’s still alive.
Maybe her husband will call me from the hospital and tell me that everything went well, that tomorrow resign her from the hospital and that it was nothing serious …
… it was just a bad joke …
Maybe I should cry…
…but I can’t.
Maybe I’m just afraid to realize that she is no longer beside me.
….maybe I’m just tired of all this empty…
Can I get through this?